Most days I feel like a terrible mother. I am overwhelmed, exhausted, aggravated, irritated, and moody. I feed her chicken nuggets or pizza because I know with certainty that she will eat it. I also use the television and an arsenal of Disney movies as a babysitter since they are free and actual human babysitters are not.
While I know in my deepest part of me that none of those things listed above make me an actual bad mother, in the part of my brain where my intentions lie, I feel like a failure. Oh yea, and this is my blog so I can vent about my failures, even if people reading think I’m crazy! (secret…I am crazy)
I feel like A has taken control of my life, and in turn I have lost a very important part of myself. The part that existed before I was A’s Mommy. I love being creative and learning, and reading and being productive. Now, the creativity is watching A color while I make sure the crayons or paint or pens or markers stay on the paper and not on my furniture. The only thing I learn is about toddlers and their behavior and how the princess of the day falls in love. My reading … well … there were 3 days of 50 Shades, but most of it is either a 5 page story or something about raising my toddler. Being productive. Yea…gone. We’re stuck in the house if it is too hot, too cold, too cranky, too tired, too…well…anything really. Especially now that potty training a 2 year old really means sprinting through your errands to make sure she doesn’t pee in the aisle of a store. (sorry Kings Pharmacy)
Yesterday morning, as I started my day as usual, with A refusing to use the potty, insisting on cookies for breakfast, and demanding a “MOVIE MOMMY”. By 8:30am I had had enough. Then she told me she wanted to wear a diaper…and I thought I was going to throw her against a wall & jump off my roof. Obviously she asked to go potty 10 minutes later and the diaper remained dry…oh this girl is testing me!
I decided that if we were sticking around the house, I was going to take back some power. We officially unplugged today. I am proud to say that we made it through the entire day with no movies or tv. We painted, we read books, we played with her dollhouse, we danced, and she napped….really well actually. There were a few tantrums about the movies…but we got through them. I plan to keep the tv off for a few more days…we’ll see how it goes.
Some people will read this and think…”Wow…it’s about time she took the tv away” and they’ll be right…it is…but I do what works for us until it stops working. It has officially stopped working…and so here we are! Trying something new. I’m showing A the side of Mommy that puts her foot down and doesn’t pick it up…
I am hoping the rain goes away, the sun comes back out & we end up here ASAP…
She’s way easier to handle on the beach! A real beach baby!